Valentines Day Blues

dear clutter king, 

i have no valentine this year. i have no closet, so my room is filled w/ suitcases overflowing with unfolded clothes. i made christmas presents for my family, but haven't sent them yet. basically, everything's in a disarray. can you help me?? why don't i ever have a valentine??!!

help! 

sincerely, 

living out of suitcases...

Dear LOOS

     This sounds a little tragic so we might have to send someone right over. I think in your case you need a nice strong man to take you in his arms and hold you for about ten minutes, clothing optional. Our clutter engineers LOVE folding up women's clothing and we might just be able to get some of those hanging things from Ikea to organize your bras and panties or whatever.

     What kind of presents did you make for your family? (We'll get those to the Post Office by Easter!)You sound very creative--you've just got a little block, honey--you've probably been working hard at your job and haven't had the time or inclination to get into the arts,and thats where the guys are, thats where you will be appreciated  for the creative, succulent, lithe, thoughtful, friendly person that you are, and not just a piece of Valentines Day Meat, though you probably are a very tasty piece of meat too!

     So in review: Go to Ikea, give our clutter engineer a hug, start working 15 minutes a day on one of your creative projects, and all your dreams will come true! (And write that check! No checkee, no huggee!)